Anniversary

T and I have been married two years as of yesterday!

It really doesn't seem like it should be that short.  My dad said it feels more like ten (and clarified he meant that as a compliment).  We've been together five years overall, and even that seems short.  I guess we like to try to live lifetimes in just a few years.

We started trying for a baby before we got married (shhh, don't tell anyone).  At the time it seemed so risky...what if I was pregnant at the wedding?  Gasp?!  Now I can laugh at even thinking that.  And starting earlier meant we realized earlier that we needed extra "help", so ultimately it was a good decision.

T gave me his present early -- a massage from Aria while we were in Vegas.  It was so overpriced, but definitely a necessity at that time, just a few weeks after our loss.  In turn, I found someone on etsy who prints verses or lyrics on to copper pieces.  I had him print a line from one of T's and my favorite songs:

"and I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay"

The copper piece is the size of a credit card, so T can take it with him wherever he goes.  Which obviously you will, honey?  Right? :)

Then we had some other potentially good news yesterday as well.  A positive on a pregnancy test.  The downside from here is something that only those experienced with pee on a stick mania may understand:

We actually may have had a positive Sunday night (5dp5dt).  It was so ridiculously light, not visible in a picture, and I could only see it if I wasn't wearing glasses or contacts (I'm so near-sighted, I get mega vision for things 2 inches away).  But it at least gave us some hope.  Then we took the test again on Monday morning (6dp5dt).  Again very light, but at least slightly more visible.  As in, I could kind of see it with regular vision.  Took a digital test as well, and it said "Not Pregnant".  Not a huge surprise, as we know those digital tests are not as sensitive as the pink line ones (we use FRERs).  Last night, still 6dp5dt, I took another pink line test at the restaurant where we were having our anniversary dinner after work.  Again, the line is super light, BUT you can see it without squinting.  We're starting to get a little more excited.

Fast forward to this morning (7dp5dt).  I took both a FRER and a digital test.  FRER still has a super light pink line on it, but I don't think it is much darker than yesterday.  The digital is still negative.  For comparison sake, we got a positive on a digital last cycle only 8 hours after our first FRER positive.

So, therefore, I'm worried.  I'm in testing limbo.  This is why you should NOT test early (I know!).  We obviously are pregnant, which is huge.  And a happy day.  But what if isn't progressing?  What if we are just headed for a very early miscarriage/chemical pregnancy?  I probably wouldn't even worry that much if I didn't have last cycle to compare to -- and look how that one turned out anyway!

So there is some insight into the madness that is my racing thoughts today.  Only time will tell how it turns out, but at least we got through the starting gate.  I am pregnant!  For now!

Edit:  (I seem to have to do that a lot lately).  I just got the positive on the digital.  My heart is racing slightly less now.  I still need lots and lots and lots of prayers.