Tuesday, November 26, 2013

THE Call

Last Friday, at work, I just felt like we were going to get the call.  The adoption agency had T's number as their primary number, so I sat in my standard Friday morning committee meeting constantly checking my email.  I was waiting for one with exclamation points in the subject line, or saying "CALL ME", or something similar.  Refresh email.  Only halfway listen to this week's economic update.  Refresh email.  Someone says "Isn't that right, C?"  Mumble a response.  Refresh email.  Get email from T very excited that google.uk has a Doctor Who google doodle.  Not exactly what I was hoping for.  Refresh email.  Meeting adjourns.  No call.

My obsession with the adoption that day was not abated.  Rather than working while back at my desk, I go to the agency website.  The number of total couples has decreased.  I think, maybe they take us down before they call us! and immediately click on one of the last pages where our profile would reside.  My eyes scan down the page, and there we are, still smiling and hopeful.  It is 11:35am.

At that VERY second where my eyes make contact with our profile picture, still hanging out on the website, my phone starts vibrating underneath a pile of papers.

It is the agency (the first one we activated with).  She is cheerful.  She says congratulations.  She asks to conference in T.  I instant message him to see what number I should use:

C [11:35 AM]:
Can you conference in???
T [11:36 AM]:
Are you serious?
Conference me in baby!
C [11:36 AM]:
Call your work #??
T [11:36 AM]:
We can chat here too
T [11:40 AM]:
I keep thinking holy shitsnacks
Holy shitsnacks

Holy shitsnacks indeed.  113 days after activation.

She lives in Florida.  She isn't due until April.  We hope to find out the sex soon, maybe even tomorrow at her doctor's appointment.  We'll probably go visit sometime soon, possibly January.  I'm not going to say a lot about her situation on here, as that is her business and not for me to put all over the interwebs.  But we've been emailing all weekend, and I honestly already love her.  She is unexpectedly articulate and well-spoken in her emails, she looks a little like me, and seems genuinely excited for us. 

Things can totally change between now and April.  Not until the consents are signed (48 hours after birth) is this a done deal.  She can choose to parent any time before then.  I will never ever ever pray that she doesn't parent.  If that is what is best for this child and for her, then she SHOULD parent.  I would WANT her to parent.  I will just pray that if she knows deep down that is what will ultimately happen, she lets us know sooner rather than later.  We are now "off the market" until April, and it will be devastating for me to lose this child then.

We sent in all of our documents and our monies yesterday and the match should be processed officially today.  We're not off the website yet, but should be soon.

My therapist will likely tell me (when I see her later today) to be excited.  I could be guarded, but you know what?  I'm going to be disappointed if it doesn't work out no matter what emotions I allow myself to feel now.  So I'm going to be excited.  I'm going to be amazingly thankful this holiday.  I'm going to be a mom.

Monday, November 11, 2013

This and that and the other

Nothing's happened.  No news.  Bleh, bleh, bleh.  And it is snowing today.  I am not ready for the snow and winter and cold and blusteriness.  (totally a word in my world).

Although no news does not mean we haven't been busy.  A little rundown of some happenin's around these parts:

  • Most importantly, above all else, T and I side-high-fived, spontaneously, and it. was. magical.  (see here for a discussion of our previous woeful attempts).  We were kind of in shock when it happened, and realized if we can do that right, we really can rule the world some day.

  • I knew there was a reason I was doing this blogging stuff.  A lovely gal reached out to me after reading my blog, because she has some experience with adoption to share.  She suggested the use of a consultant, which is a service that can help navigate these crazy mixed-up waters.  The one she used never really got back to us, but I was reading about other consultants that had great feedback online.  Ultimately, as of last week we are a client of a Christian consulting group.  They aren't an agency; rather they basically are "in the know" of a lot of situations, and help us become active with other agencies without large upfront fees.  We had to make some adjustments to our print profile in order to use it more widely, and should be sending a bunch out this week.  One of the agencies required us to do some online adoption training, so we're finishing that up, and then sending our pictures of our hopeful little selves across the country.

  • We are still active with American too, so that doesn't change.  I checked in with our social worker there a couple weeks ago.  What's happening, anything we need to consider changing, etc, etc.  She emailed back, and I quote "In general, I hear awesome things about your profile.  People like that you are young and active, that you have a close knit family, that T has a daughter and you are active in her life...all awesome things!  I have not gotten any negative feedback at all."  And we're being shown about 15-20 times per month.  Yet....no matches.  Sigh.  Double sigh.  Triple sigh.  It's only been about 3 1/2 months of being active, which I realize isn't a lot, but it still hurts.  Especially thinking about another holiday season gone by.  2013 has absolutely been the worst year of my life so far, and I would love to top it off with the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Even it out, you know?

  • Lovely gal also came back into play by suggesting I go to a local medical practice she is associated with to get my recurrent miscarriage testing done sooner.  This way (rather than waiting until 2014 for even a consult), I could put it against this year's deductible (already way way way met).  Score TWO for lovely gal(thanks L!).   T and I actually went today, and I got about 77 vials of blood taken.  T got 1.  ONE.  I asked if they could take some more, even if just to throw out the blood, just to make him have to work a LITTLE more.  No go.  Guys never have it as hard as girls.  Weenies.

  • I have mixed feelings about the testing.  We were both 100% for it, because if I ever did get pregnant again on my own, it seems silly to just watch me miscarry if there was something that could be done about it.  But, we had moved on from this fertility stuff, and it just muddies the waters a little bit.  I know we won't likely actively seek fertility treatments (e.g. IVF) again, and I don't think it is fair to the adoption process if we are double-dipping.  Honestly, at this point, I'd actually be kind of pissed if I got viably pregnant, because I'm hoping we are bringing home our baby less than 9 months from now.  

  • Work is kicking my butt lately, and I so want to just call in and tell them I'm not going to be in for 8-12 weeks, because I'm taking care of my little one.  I am so thankful for my job, and T's job, and the stability we have.  But once in awhile, you just want to bury yourself underneath the covers for a week and have nothing to do with them.  

  • My puppy (misnomer, as he's going on 12), was super sick a couple weeks ago, and had to be on an IV at the vet overnight.  They never really figured out what was wrong, but told me to have him avoid running, stairs, and jumping for 3 weeks.  That might have been one of the funniest things I had heard in a while, just due to the sheer impossibility of it.  We got him those little stairs to use when climbing into bed (he mostly sleeps with us).  He literally jumps OVER the stairs.  At least if he dies from that, he'll die happy.  I am so so not ready to lose him.  I really hope he can stick around to meet his human brother or sister.

  • Cam turned 13 last week.  That deserves its own post.  She is full out teenager and a half.  Lord help us.

That's about it in this neck of the woods.  I'm super excited to host Thanksgiving (just my parents, but still).  I may blog about the food plans because I'm so thrilled to just cook and eat together.  Food always makes everything good. 

Happy mid-November to you!

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