Wednesday, August 14, 2013


Of course this would be in Iowa too.

A fellow blogger at Who Shot Down My Stork said it best (and the comments):

Basically the gist is that a couple (in Iowa, of course, the video in the link was actually from a local news channel that made it onto CNN) that has three healthy biological children, decided to "adopt" some frozen embryos, because they were so sad that these were just "thrown away".  And there are just so many out there waiting to be adopted (sarcasm heavy when I read that out loud).  They transferred two, one split, and so they had three more kids.  And they are regarded as heroes for basically saving these embryos.


Embryo adoption is a fairly new land, and should become more commonplace going forward. So, yes, there are probably a lot of embryos right now.  Many many infertile want-to-be-parents are deciding that is the best route for them.  It would have been a potential route for us, as theoretically T's and my chromosomes don't mix well.

But, I'm sorry, why is a couple who can easily have another kid by jumping in the sack with their spouse basically taking away the parenthood opportunity from someone else?  If they wanted to save the world, shouldn't they adopt actual living children that need a home?  Especially the older children that are more difficult to place? 

I'm not delusional enough to think that we are saving the world by wanting to adopt an infant.  While it will ideally be a "win-win" situation, in which we are giving the child a home they wouldn't otherwise have, we are also completely selfish.  We want a baby.  For us. For our family.  If that wasn't the case, and we only had completely altruistic motives, then we would be foster parents for older children and teens.  Because that is where the need is.  Not for infants.  Not for embryos. That is why the waiting list is so flipping long for adopting an infant. 

If you want to save the world, at least know where the world needs saving.

And, on the other side, of course, is that they would get pregnant and have three kids.  Most of us hope for just one, and some (this girl) never get any.  We transferred six embryos over the course of treatments.  Four never implanted, and two left us before 7 weeks.  But they pop two in and get three out.  Obviously.

I'm just mad.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Update (or lack thereof)

So I actually meant to blog last week, then my stupid Internet Explorer at work wouldn't let me, so I actually had to do work at work instead. How unfair is that?!?!

We've now been active for a week and a half. And....nothing. Not that I really expected anything, but it is sinking in that preparing for adoption activation is the EPITOME of "hurry up and wait". And wait we shall.

The waiting is much harder than I thought it would be. I'm hoping it gets better; the adoption stuff won't be in the forefront of my mind now that we're not picking out pictures, writing text, completing our home study. But I read posts from people on the agency's forum that have been waiting for almost 2 years, and my heart breaks. The agency says 3-12 months is average for waiting for placement. And the agency forums aren't super active, so I figure the ones that post would generally be biased to those waiting the longest. But days go by and I worry that it will never be us.

In the meantime, we stay settled in our no baby, one tween life. And she is almost 13. GAH. With makeup and deadpan sarcasm and Instagram selfies aplenty. We did set ourselves up to win the "coolest parents ever" award (or most irresponsible parents - you choose), by letting her watch Shaun of the Dead with us on Saturday. It is rated R for violence and language. She's seen a couple R-rated movies with us (Schindler's List and The Matrix), and has wanted to see this one with us for awhile. We acquiesced, with two caveats: (1) just because they drop the f-bomb 46 times in the movie does not ever make it appropriate for her to drop the f-bomb 46 times in two hours (or ever in any hour) and (2) violence is never appropriate in real life unless you are actually trying to kill zombies. Then she should whack them with a cricket bat or blast them with a shotgun. She agreed to these firm terms, and a fine time was had by all.

So I'm not sure what I should blog about now that nothing will be happening for potentially awhile. When I started the blog, it wasn't meant to be an ALI blog for eternity, but kind of morphed into that, since, well, it has been an eternity since we've been trying to have a baby. So, I guess I'll give some general updates and musings, and perhaps a kitchen mishap/recipe here and there, and ideally will randomly one day post a baby picture introducing our new son or daughter. That will be the best day of my life.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Live from Iowa!

No video yet, but that should be coming.

We are active!!!

(Hopefully this link won't work for very long, since they'll remove it once we are matched!)
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