Monday, May 28, 2012

Negative, Ghost Rider

Last night ended one of the most difficult, ambiguous weeks through this entire "journey".  Not the ending I wanted, but at least it ended.

As we said previously, T and I did not go into this round with high hopes.  We knew we were working against the odds.  We should have sailed right through these two weeks, and just shrugged our shoulders when it didn't work.

Except, I started getting almost every pregnancy symptom in the book last week.  Some of the basics, and even some of the more strange ones.  I have been through 20 cycles of trying to conceive.  I know what an unsuccessful cycle feels like.  And this did not feel like an unsuccessful cycle whatsoever.  I emailed my symptoms around implantation to the nurse and she thought it sounded extremely positive and was excited for me.  I took quizzes online that said that I was very likely pregnant, and to keep testing.  My charting app gave me 75 points out of 100 in my "pregnancy monitor" based on my temperatures (your temperatures follow a certain pattern throughout cycles and pregnancy), symptoms, etc.  I have never gotten above ~30 points before. 

So what did T and I do?  Exactly what you should not do when you are at this point.  We got hopeful.  We even tilted into all-out confidence. He bought champagne for that first positive pregnancy test (which really was just for him, but the man knows how to celebrate).  T discussed his concern that the baby would be due on February 4th, 2013 - a day after the Super Bowl.  He was genuinely trying to figure out if he would record the Super Bowl and watch later, or hope that we went early and would be back home by then?  We ignored the fact that I kept getting negative results on pregnancy tests, and told ourselves that some people just don't get them right away.  Even 30 minutes before our dreams were dashed last night, we were looking at cribs and crib bedding on different websites, and discussing how much we loved safari themes for little boys. 

I'm still not sure what happened this past week. It certainly was not normal.  It hurt us emotionally.  I have never seen my husband cry as much as he did last night (I noted the cracking in his voice sounded suspiciously like the time he called me when his favorite character on Dr. Who didn't survive.  I stand by my conclusion that he cried like a baby then, too).    Strangely, this cycle was even worse than our failed IVF.  That damn confidence gets you every time.

But we'll try again, because that's what we do.  We also turn a celebratory bottle of champagne into glorious mimosas during a Memorial Day breakfast at home.  We hug and we kiss and we move on.  I've said this before, and I'll say it every month --- I could not do this without T.  He claims I wouldn't have to do it if I wasn't with him.  Which may be true (although is not a proven fact), but I certainly wouldn't be happier in that instance.  *warning: mushiness ahead:  He is my rock and my best friend and I will do any of this, as long as we are doing it together.  *end mushiness :)

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Two Week Wait

Any person ever trying to get pregnant has been subject to the two week wait -- whether trying for 1 cycle or for 22 cycles.  The two week wait sucks - you over-analyze every minute of your day.  Was that a twinge in my right side?  Am I extra tired?  Are smells really becoming more noticeable?

Anyway, fortunately or unfortunately, I found this website:  Basically, a bunch of women who got a BFP (positive pregnancy test) kept track of their pregnancy symptoms from the time of ovulation to when they got a positive pregnancy test.  Some are really useful in setting some sort of expectation for your own experiences.

And some are, well, not useful.  For your entertainment, snippets of the crazy that some women think while trying to get pregnant (fyi:  DPO = days past ovulation; PO = post ovulation):

-So I'm just going to tell you how I KNEW I WAS PREGNANT BEFORE MY MISSED PERIOD...I cried during a horror film.

-5/9 Tues- Day 2 PO - felt warm again and very full.. bloated all day burping with a knot in my throat (thought maybe it was from the broccoli I ate)

-7DPO-few light headaches throughout the day, fatigue, irritable, couldn't sleep, weird vivid dream, DH is getting acne on his face (he NEVER has acne on his face) CAM edit - how does your husband's body predict your pregnancy?!?!

-10 DPO: nothing new, jaw pain feels like a sinus infection, husband commented that I am happier than normal

-7 DPO - pimply, tired, dumb, and everything smells weird.

-5 DPO - I cried because my fiancé wouldn't go to Wal-Mart with me

-8-DPO came home early and my husband was asleep at like 2pm (weird because he NEVER takes
naps, ever and he was feeling kinda queasy) 

-11 DPO Woke up to a huge leg cramp in the middle of the morning.

-12dpo- same cramps, tired, food taste off, Took 1 bite of my dinner and tossed it out and had some
Cheetos instead lol

for whatever reason, this one is my favorite...
-8. dpo: Nothing except that I had a banana before I went to sleep and it tasted like shampoo and my hair got oily. 

So what are my symptoms you may ask? Oh, well, T thinks his neck hurts, my dog is extra clingy, and I had a dream about a baby.  That's a perfect sign, right :)  (Actually, the dog thing is real...and could mean something - look it up!)

Aargh, only another week until this wait is over! 


Sunday, May 13, 2012

Smiley face!

Whoo whoo!  We got our smiley face today (predicts ovulation based on measuring LH surges in the body).  Happy mother's day! 

This means that I go in at 9:30 tomorrow for an IUI.  Unfortunately, we need to dip into our frozen swimmer stash in that case.  T starts his new job at promptly 7:30 tomorrow morning, and therefore can't make the timing work.  But that's why we had a backup collection, so we'll make do. 

Anyway, chances are slim and we won't know for a couple weeks, but fingers crossed!  I think we'll give this a shot at least a couple times before I brave the drugs again, but I certainly hope it never gets that far. 

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

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