Looks like we'll be triggering at 10pm tonight for a Wednesday morning retrieval. It is funny how much more laid back T and I are this time, since we actually know what will be going on. I'm so excited that everything is progressing nicely...and my gut is VERY excited to have no more Repronex shots. Just two trigger shots tonight, and I'll be leaving the belly alone to move on to the "in the ass" progesterone shots.
We had about 10 good size follicles, so we're hoping that equates to 10 (or more!) good eggs!
Monday, October 15, 2012
Friday, October 12, 2012
Day 5
Day 5 Update for anyone following the science: E2 (estrogen) was 1,080 and I had "more than five" follicles on each ovary. Before I left (before they know the estrogen results), she told me they'd like the E2 below 1,000. Since it was slightly above, we're going in on Sunday for an extra checkup before our normally scheduled one on Monday. This is the same as last year, and I love the free look. So we're in good spirits.
My stomach looks like crap and I currently weigh more than I ever have in my life. Hopefully it's just a preview of things to come :)
My stomach looks like crap and I currently weigh more than I ever have in my life. Hopefully it's just a preview of things to come :)
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Day 3 of Stims
T and I went this morning for my first bloodwork and ultrasound since stimming. Like last time, I'm coming roaring out of the gate, which makes me nervous, as we want things to be consistent growth through retrieval. I had about three measurable follicles on my left side, and about 5 or so on the right, along with smaller ones. They don't do a lot of specific measurements and counts on day 3. My estrogen level was 398. Generally they like less than 100 at this point, but last cycle it was in the 500s, so I think generally we are better? Especially since my dosages were actually higher to start.
Either way, they cut both my stimulation drugs down by a 1/3. That's good news to my belly, as lower dosages hurt less.
So that's that. We go back on Friday and take it from there!
Either way, they cut both my stimulation drugs down by a 1/3. That's good news to my belly, as lower dosages hurt less.
So that's that. We go back on Friday and take it from there!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
IVF#2 = Cycle 25
I'm a little down in the dumps today. I'm bruising from my awful Repronex shots (taking 225 IU versus 150IU last time isn't helping), I can already play connect the dots on my stomach from the other injections, I'm starting to bloat enough that it looks like I gained two pounds just in my stomach. Just from 1.5 days of stimulation. Our cash flow is very ouchy after paying $10k+ to start off the process last week. And I figured out today that our IVF is cycle 25 for us. To be fair, last cycle was on birth control, so it was not really applicable. But I duitifully record when aunt flo comes to visit, and the nice software turns the number to 25 for me.
So while it is not quite two years on a calendar basis, we're at two years from a number of cycles perspective. And a full calendar year with our infertility clinic, whom we first visited on October 3, 2011. A full year of thinking "professional help" would get us the answer we desired. Thank goodness we are literally only weeks away from a turning point. I'm ready for a bit of hibernation from all this.
So while it is not quite two years on a calendar basis, we're at two years from a number of cycles perspective. And a full calendar year with our infertility clinic, whom we first visited on October 3, 2011. A full year of thinking "professional help" would get us the answer we desired. Thank goodness we are literally only weeks away from a turning point. I'm ready for a bit of hibernation from all this.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Shots, shots, shots, shots!
Only in the warped world of IVF is anyone super excited when it comes time to start shots. And due to having a pretty full social calendar through the time, we will be mastering the art of shooting up in a restaurant and/or bar bathroom. Classy, right?
I wrapped up my birth control pills mid last week. Unfortunately, my progesterone increased those last couple days (maybe I was making some naturally along with the exogenous progesterone from the pills? I don't understand how bodies work during birth control - especially just taking a partial month). Or possibly, my magic pill stopped working completely. Either way, I had a couple miserable nights in a row where I was up every couple hours replacing the ice packs in my little booties. Those booties are rock star, I tell you. I just wish the ice packs would stay cold for longer. I may have to install a freezer in our bedroom for the next month.
On a side note, there just is not enough information on APD out there. It has been noted that it can cause early miscarriage in extreme cases, but generally it was because the body was suppressing the progesterone needed to carry a child, simply because it couldn't handle it. That doesn't appear to be the case for me, as my progesterone was ridiculously high during the Clomid IUI cycles. It was at levels that would carry you very safely through first trimester and even through the second potentially. So it doesn't appear that it is causing issues, but if this doesn't work again, I'll always wonder if the autoimmune response would be connected to the implantation failures. Maybe it will be one of those things where they find out more in the next few years, and we try again at some point down the road. Who knows?
Anyway, we're moving forward with our thoughts on this cycle. In the last cycle, I started shots about a week earlier, while I was still on birth control. Those were the suppression shots to quiet my body down before stimulation. This time, since I seemed to be oversuppressed, the docs were relying on solely the birth control to do its job. I went for my baseline ultrasound on Thursday, when they make sure the ovaries are nice and sleepy. Everything looked great, so it looks like the birth control was up to the challenge.
So I started the Lupron (in a microdose version this time) just yesterday. Rather than full suppression, at this point it is there to make sure I don't ovulate early on my own. This whole thing would go to shit if all those follicles go out floating around without a chance of retrieval.
We went to out to dinner and to see a musical at our local civic center last night, so I was either going to need to do my shot in the restaurant bathroom or the civic center bathroom depending on timing. We pre-filled the syringe before going out, so I was holding my purse gingerly the whole time scared that I would accidentally press down on the syringe. Turned out we were still at the restaurant when I needed to shoot it in, so I appropriated the handicap stall to the dismay of the homecoming girls going to the bathroom in a group. It was a lovely time.
Tonight we are saying good-bye to a dear friend that is moving away, so I will again get to take my Lupron with me and shoot up between bites of boar pizza. Then I'll start stimming tomorrow, which I'm very excited about! First ultrasound/blood draw on Wednesday, and ideally we'll be retrieving mid next week. Grow follicles, grow!
I wrapped up my birth control pills mid last week. Unfortunately, my progesterone increased those last couple days (maybe I was making some naturally along with the exogenous progesterone from the pills? I don't understand how bodies work during birth control - especially just taking a partial month). Or possibly, my magic pill stopped working completely. Either way, I had a couple miserable nights in a row where I was up every couple hours replacing the ice packs in my little booties. Those booties are rock star, I tell you. I just wish the ice packs would stay cold for longer. I may have to install a freezer in our bedroom for the next month.
On a side note, there just is not enough information on APD out there. It has been noted that it can cause early miscarriage in extreme cases, but generally it was because the body was suppressing the progesterone needed to carry a child, simply because it couldn't handle it. That doesn't appear to be the case for me, as my progesterone was ridiculously high during the Clomid IUI cycles. It was at levels that would carry you very safely through first trimester and even through the second potentially. So it doesn't appear that it is causing issues, but if this doesn't work again, I'll always wonder if the autoimmune response would be connected to the implantation failures. Maybe it will be one of those things where they find out more in the next few years, and we try again at some point down the road. Who knows?
Anyway, we're moving forward with our thoughts on this cycle. In the last cycle, I started shots about a week earlier, while I was still on birth control. Those were the suppression shots to quiet my body down before stimulation. This time, since I seemed to be oversuppressed, the docs were relying on solely the birth control to do its job. I went for my baseline ultrasound on Thursday, when they make sure the ovaries are nice and sleepy. Everything looked great, so it looks like the birth control was up to the challenge.
So I started the Lupron (in a microdose version this time) just yesterday. Rather than full suppression, at this point it is there to make sure I don't ovulate early on my own. This whole thing would go to shit if all those follicles go out floating around without a chance of retrieval.
We went to out to dinner and to see a musical at our local civic center last night, so I was either going to need to do my shot in the restaurant bathroom or the civic center bathroom depending on timing. We pre-filled the syringe before going out, so I was holding my purse gingerly the whole time scared that I would accidentally press down on the syringe. Turned out we were still at the restaurant when I needed to shoot it in, so I appropriated the handicap stall to the dismay of the homecoming girls going to the bathroom in a group. It was a lovely time.
Tonight we are saying good-bye to a dear friend that is moving away, so I will again get to take my Lupron with me and shoot up between bites of boar pizza. Then I'll start stimming tomorrow, which I'm very excited about! First ultrasound/blood draw on Wednesday, and ideally we'll be retrieving mid next week. Grow follicles, grow!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
War and Peace
My mind is constantly at war with itself in these last few weeks leading up to the IVF. Some days I'm so amazingly optimistic that it will work, as I consider all the changes we are making leading up to it. Some days I'm more pessimistic (I prefer to label it as realistic), and know that most people out there have had at least some form of pregnancy by this point, even if it didn't result in a "take home" baby. Ultimately, we'll just have to wait and see, but I think this wait has been more tortuous than any past ones.
But that comes to the peace part. I'll ultimately be okay with the outcome, no matter what it is. Not right away. If we find out it is another negative, we will probably both be broken on the floor bawling. I will need several weeks of therapy (although note I said weeks, not months, not years) to truly grieve for our loss. Because we know we can make life. We made Artie and Herkie and I think about them all the time in all of their perfectness. But if my body just isn't made to carry that life, it is what it is. I do believe there is a plan for everyone. Not that you just sit back and the plan plays out...no, you do still need to try and make decisions and put effort into your life. But when you simply have done everything you can do, that is the point you put it back in God's hands. And if this doesn't work, it does not mean our journey is over. It just means we are at a fork in the road and choosing another path. And I am very much at peace with that.
That being said, it seems everyone around me is getting pregnant. I'm now up to 7 announcements just in the last couple weeks. For those of you that may read this blog, please know that I'm honestly ecstatic for you. I'm so happy that you have been blessed in this way, whether it is your first or second or third (or second and third at once!). But also know that it is hard for me, and if I avoid you for awhile, it is not personal at all. It is just helping me work towards that peace that I know is around the corner.
But that comes to the peace part. I'll ultimately be okay with the outcome, no matter what it is. Not right away. If we find out it is another negative, we will probably both be broken on the floor bawling. I will need several weeks of therapy (although note I said weeks, not months, not years) to truly grieve for our loss. Because we know we can make life. We made Artie and Herkie and I think about them all the time in all of their perfectness. But if my body just isn't made to carry that life, it is what it is. I do believe there is a plan for everyone. Not that you just sit back and the plan plays out...no, you do still need to try and make decisions and put effort into your life. But when you simply have done everything you can do, that is the point you put it back in God's hands. And if this doesn't work, it does not mean our journey is over. It just means we are at a fork in the road and choosing another path. And I am very much at peace with that.
That being said, it seems everyone around me is getting pregnant. I'm now up to 7 announcements just in the last couple weeks. For those of you that may read this blog, please know that I'm honestly ecstatic for you. I'm so happy that you have been blessed in this way, whether it is your first or second or third (or second and third at once!). But also know that it is hard for me, and if I avoid you for awhile, it is not personal at all. It is just helping me work towards that peace that I know is around the corner.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Strength in numbers
On somewhat of a whim, tonight I attended a fertility "peer group" that my acupuncturist puts on monthly. I really didn't know what to expect, but I met a group of lovely gals that are in various stages of infertility issues. A couple were pregnant and able to tell stories on how they "got there", a few were just starting out, and a couple, like me, were in the midst of cycling for IVF. I read different message boards a lot on the interwebs, along with blogs that I've stumbled upon. And while those are comforting, it definitely was very nice to hear the stories of others live in person.
I have a horrible confession. Sometimes when I hear that other people have an IVF failure, it makes me feel better. Not happy, but a little relieved. I just don't feel so alone, as it seems like it happens on the first try for EVERYONE online. But I really would be very disappointed if it doesn't work out for the gals tonight.
T and I are currently antibiotic-ing (totally a word). He has two pills a day and I have four. They totally make you sick and gassy, and just generally not enjoying life. It is pretty sad that I can't wait until we start stimming, as I can't wait to not take this crap anymore. On the good side, one of my other pills is my new allergy medication for the APD - and it works phenomenally. It totally knocks me out, so it is very much a night time drug. But as long as I take right before bed, I'm golden.
So the pill rundown for this week:
Baby aspirin: standard protocol for my RE. Helps thicken the lining for some nice burrowing embies.
Prenatal vitamin: Helps for a healthy body and hopefully a healthy pregnancy
Extra folic acid: 'Cause everyone likes healthy fetal poles
Zyrtec: This OTC allergy pill can get me through the daytime which is not usually as bad as the night
Flagyl: A chalky, crazy icky antibiotic pill that is always hard to swallow. Leaves a horrible taste in my mouth all through the day. I have to take this sucker twice daily :(
Doxycycline: Another antibotic that is a killer in disguise. It pretends to be all pretty and easy to swallow. But underneath that turquoise smooth exterior is a pill that wreaks havoc on my stomach. Last IVF, I didn't eat enough one morning and was puking my guts out in the deli next to the elevators at work one morning. Lesson learned. Face now stuffed.
Hydroxyzine: The magic wonder pill for my itchy feet
Birth control pill: The trusty tool to any infertile. Makes no sense, I know. I get it , but I still just feel so counterproductive every time I take it.
That's about it for the week. T is so happy to be back on the bicycle, and is participating in his first cyclocross race this weekend (maybe - he's not sure yet). I'm pretty excited for him, as long as he doesn't go breaking every bone in his body. That seems like it would halt our IVF proceedings a bit. After the IVF though, you know, whatever happens, happens :)
My husband saw me typing and just asked "is it going to be a good post?". I wasn't sure what constituted a good post, and he said the ones that I say what a keeper he is. So I guess this won't be a good one :)
(just kidding. I was reminded at my peer group tonight what a fantastic husband and partner I have. This whole fertility thing is truly a team undertaking. Go team go!)
I have a horrible confession. Sometimes when I hear that other people have an IVF failure, it makes me feel better. Not happy, but a little relieved. I just don't feel so alone, as it seems like it happens on the first try for EVERYONE online. But I really would be very disappointed if it doesn't work out for the gals tonight.
T and I are currently antibiotic-ing (totally a word). He has two pills a day and I have four. They totally make you sick and gassy, and just generally not enjoying life. It is pretty sad that I can't wait until we start stimming, as I can't wait to not take this crap anymore. On the good side, one of my other pills is my new allergy medication for the APD - and it works phenomenally. It totally knocks me out, so it is very much a night time drug. But as long as I take right before bed, I'm golden.
So the pill rundown for this week:
Baby aspirin: standard protocol for my RE. Helps thicken the lining for some nice burrowing embies.
Prenatal vitamin: Helps for a healthy body and hopefully a healthy pregnancy
Extra folic acid: 'Cause everyone likes healthy fetal poles
Zyrtec: This OTC allergy pill can get me through the daytime which is not usually as bad as the night
Flagyl: A chalky, crazy icky antibiotic pill that is always hard to swallow. Leaves a horrible taste in my mouth all through the day. I have to take this sucker twice daily :(
Doxycycline: Another antibotic that is a killer in disguise. It pretends to be all pretty and easy to swallow. But underneath that turquoise smooth exterior is a pill that wreaks havoc on my stomach. Last IVF, I didn't eat enough one morning and was puking my guts out in the deli next to the elevators at work one morning. Lesson learned. Face now stuffed.
Hydroxyzine: The magic wonder pill for my itchy feet
Birth control pill: The trusty tool to any infertile. Makes no sense, I know. I get it , but I still just feel so counterproductive every time I take it.
That's about it for the week. T is so happy to be back on the bicycle, and is participating in his first cyclocross race this weekend (maybe - he's not sure yet). I'm pretty excited for him, as long as he doesn't go breaking every bone in his body. That seems like it would halt our IVF proceedings a bit. After the IVF though, you know, whatever happens, happens :)
My husband saw me typing and just asked "is it going to be a good post?". I wasn't sure what constituted a good post, and he said the ones that I say what a keeper he is. So I guess this won't be a good one :)
(just kidding. I was reminded at my peer group tonight what a fantastic husband and partner I have. This whole fertility thing is truly a team undertaking. Go team go!)
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