Monday, March 19, 2012

Hurry up and wait

My husband was bugging me this past weekend to make a blog post, because it had been too long since the last one.  I told him I didn't really have anything to say besides waiting sucks.  He said to write about how much I loved him.  I told him that I did that already.  He said to do it again.  Well, I'm not going to bore you with that topic again :)  But I can give an update of generally where we are now.

As I noted a few blog posts ago, we are going to try IVF again.  If I start my period "on time" this month, that will put us smack dab in the midst of an out-of-town trip, so I'd have to wait another month.  Although, technically I've read that many people have late cycles the first one after IVF, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'm at least a week late, which might be a whole new ball game.  I realized that with this paragraph and all the previous blog posts, you now know more about my cycle than I probably did myself before this whole mess.  And T's sperm sagas to boot.  Lucky you! 

The waiting sucks, but not even because we're so raring to go.  I am having a problem getting excited about this round, as most of me just wants to be done with it so we can move on to the next option.  I realize that my lack of optimism could end up being a contributing factor to any failure, so I am hoping to be more optimistic once we start the whole process again.  I'm just having issues because I was so hopeful the first time and didn't even get a hint of success.  I know my mind is completely messed up when I'd give anything in the world to have a miscarriage.  But at least I would know that I could get pregnant for sure, and that is a whole new ballgame.  Oh, the places massive amounts of drugs and hormones and crazy emotions will make you go.  Dr. Seuss totally should have addressed that issue!

So we sit and wait and hem and haw and stress about everything.  We at least did have the foresight a few weeks ago to decide we really deserved a vacation.  Financially, it may not be the best idea given that we're staring down another cash-funded IVF, but from a sanity standpoint, it is not negotiable.  So we're going on a short and sweet cruise this weekend, and I will toss my worries in the wake of the ship, with only a pina colada left in my hand. 

We did go to a domestic adoption informational meeting, which really did have a lot more to say than I expected.  I'll save that insight for another day, but suffice it to say it certainly isn't an easy option.  Not that I expected that by any means, but I certainly had my eyes opened more than I thought I would.  We shall see if that is the path for us once we get through this next couple months. 

I hope everyone gets to have a nice spring break vacation, or at least a few hours stolen with some loved ones this week.  You deserve it too!

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