Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Dogs vs Babies

I promise I won't post three times a day when I get used to this thing, but this was too much of a gem to not share.

To preface, I love the shit out of my dog.  He's nine years old, and therefore has been with me for slightly less than 1/3 of my life.  My husband has asked me if I love the dog more than him, and I always hesitate slightly.  I mean, of course I don't love the dog more than him.  At least not in the same way.  But the dog is so sweet and cute and NEVER fights with me and always licks my face.  So there is that.

Anyway, I get the dogs are not babies.  But he is my baby.  And let's face it.  The stories that moms tell can always be aligned with a dog story.  But don't listen to me on this one.  This blog post spells it out PERFECTLY.

Some highlights:

How my dog is similar to a human baby:
  • He poops a lot
  • He eats a lot
  • He sleeps most of the day
  • When he was little, he woke me up at all hours of the night
  • He drags his toys out into the middle of the living room and leaves them there
  • He doesn’t like strangers
  • He wants to sleep in our bed
  • He loves to cuddle
  • He loves his mom and dad more than anyone in the world
  • He is endlessly fascinated by laser pointers
Now, more importantly, how are my feelings toward my doggy similar to a parent’s feelings toward a human baby?
  • I worry about leaving him with other people
  • I think about how I could not live with myself if anything happened to him
  • I miss him when I’m away
  • I have recurring nightmares (awake and asleep) about him running into traffic, getting backed over by my car, smooshed by the garage door, and many other mental images too awful to mention
  • And so on and so forth

And in some ways, dogs have the upper hand over babies. Dogs:
  • can scrub the kitchen floor at a really young age, and will faithfully do so FOREVER
  • don’t sass you or call names when they’re mad
  • are always happy to see you
  • don’t turn into mouthy, jackass teenagers having unprotected sex and getting thrown in jail
  • will never wreck your car or throw a house party without permission
  • don’t need college savings accounts
  • don’t need to get dressed in the morning
  • will never take you kicking and screaming to the Shady Pines Nursing Home

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go have some cuddle time with my baby.

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