THE Call

Last Friday, at work, I just felt like we were going to get the call.  The adoption agency had T's number as their primary number, so I sat in my standard Friday morning committee meeting constantly checking my email.  I was waiting for one with exclamation points in the subject line, or saying "CALL ME", or something similar.  Refresh email.  Only halfway listen to this week's economic update.  Refresh email.  Someone says "Isn't that right, C?"  Mumble a response.  Refresh email.  Get email from T very excited that google.uk has a Doctor Who google doodle.  Not exactly what I was hoping for.  Refresh email.  Meeting adjourns.  No call.

My obsession with the adoption that day was not abated.  Rather than working while back at my desk, I go to the agency website.  The number of total couples has decreased.  I think, maybe they take us down before they call us! and immediately click on one of the last pages where our profile would reside.  My eyes scan down the page, and there we are, still smiling and hopeful.  It is 11:35am.

At that VERY second where my eyes make contact with our profile picture, still hanging out on the website, my phone starts vibrating underneath a pile of papers.

It is the agency (the first one we activated with).  She is cheerful.  She says congratulations.  She asks to conference in T.  I instant message him to see what number I should use:

C [11:35 AM]:

WE HAVE A MATCH!!!!!!!

Can you conference in???

T [11:36 AM]:

Are you serious?

Conference me in baby!

C [11:36 AM]:

Call your work #??

T [11:36 AM]:

76926

We can chat here too

T [11:40 AM]:

I keep thinking holy shitsnacks

Holy shitsnacks

Holy shitsnacks indeed.  113 days after activation.

She lives in Florida.  She isn't due until April.  We hope to find out the sex soon, maybe even tomorrow at her doctor's appointment.  We'll probably go visit sometime soon, possibly January.  I'm not going to say a lot about her situation on here, as that is her business and not for me to put all over the interwebs.  But we've been emailing all weekend, and I honestly already love her.  She is unexpectedly articulate and well-spoken in her emails, she looks a little like me, and seems genuinely excited for us. 

Things can totally change between now and April.  Not until the consents are signed (48 hours after birth) is this a done deal.  She can choose to parent any time before then.  I will never ever ever pray that she doesn't parent.  If that is what is best for this child and for her, then she SHOULD parent.  I would WANT her to parent.  I will just pray that if she knows deep down that is what will ultimately happen, she lets us know sooner rather than later.  We are now "off the market" until April, and it will be devastating for me to lose this child then.

We sent in all of our documents and our monies yesterday and the match should be processed officially today.  We're not off the website yet, but should be soon.

My therapist will likely tell me (when I see her later today) to be excited.  I could be guarded, but you know what?  I'm going to be disappointed if it doesn't work out no matter what emotions I allow myself to feel now.  So I'm going to be excited.  I'm going to be amazingly thankful this holiday.  I'm going to be a mom.